So, you see.

I'm bored. My best friend hasn't talked to me in forever. Hey, Karma honey..

DEEP THOUGHTS 30 DAY CHALLENGE

1. What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?

Today, i woke up angry. but, I helped Brenda. And, no. I wouldn't be satisfied. 

2. Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?

I don't know who I am anymore. My mom made me lose my true self.

3. Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?

I've been home. In miami. Three/Five/Ten years ago. I was an idiot who moved around so much.

4. What do you think it means to be in love?

I don't know.

5. Pick a song that projects the same mood as your day or week and explain.

Chelsea Grin- Lifeless. Because everyone is shit. 

6. Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.

My dad bringing home Jen. She's really nice and made me feel like a normal person. 

7. Think of the last person you hugged. What would you do if they vanished completely?

Last person I hugged was... BRENDA. I would kill myself if she died. I am not kidding. 

8. Write about the first moment that comes to your head when you read the words “childhood memory”

My mom hitting me when we lived in San Souci because "I wasnt picking up fast enough" 

9. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

With my baby(: I don't care if i am a single mother. And, i'll be working too. 

10. Did you have a good day or a bad day? Where do you think that defining line was?

BAD.

11. Do you feel protective over someone?

Adrian, Joshua, Brenda.

12. If you could trade places with anyone for one week, who would it be and why?

Brenda. I want to see what her life is like. 

13. Where do you see your best/old friend in 10 years?

Best friend- With me. Living in a really nice place in New York. That's right, Brenda. ROOMMMMATTEEESS<3

Old friend- On a stripper pole begging for money. Cuban my ass.

14. When you are stressed, what can you use as an outlet? Why do you think it helps you?

Drinking, Cutting, Crying. I'm in control.

15. What do you believe in? And not just God or atheism.

I believe in the Future. Near future. Like. In one hour where will i be. But, i don't believe in religion. 

16. What are you passionate about?

My writing. 

17. Who was the last person you kissed? (If you are still with them now, pick the person before them.) What would they say if they saw you now?

Alex. Like, a million years ago. And, he sees me every day. 

18. Talk about your extended family. Why do you think they are the way they are?

I only have my dad. My brothers. And a grandmother i wish i didnt.

19. If you could be anywhere in the world, but you had to be there for a certain cause, where would you be and why?

I'd go to Ireland. Just to meet matt <3 

20. Again, pick a song that projects the mood of your week or day.

Oceana- The abortion Plan.

21. Look back. Why did you choose this challenge? Do you think it says anything about you?

I chose it because i was bored. 

22. How do you think people see you? Be a little negative and a little positive.

They see me as an irritating little spoiled brat with no friends, low self esteem. But, at least I'll help them thru there crap. 

23. Explain your life plan for the next month, then the next year, then three years, then five years.

Month: I'm doing the "Smile Today" Challenge. Year: I'll be me. Three Years: Junior in high school. Trying hard <3

24. Are you more social or independent? Why do you think that is?

At school: Social because i get lonely alot. Home : Independent. 

25. What do you think it means to be a good parent?

To actually BE THERE for your child. 

26. Talk about a moment where you were truly happy. What was happening? Who were you with?

I've never been "truly happy"

27. Is there a friend you are worried about? Why do they have you concerned? Do you think they’ll be okay?

Brenda. Her Life. And, hopefully <3 Because i love her. <3 

28. Would you rather someone tell you the truth up front but gently, or be lied to to spare your feelings?

NOTHING BEATS THE TRUTH.

29. If you could be doing the same things you do now, only in your own way, how would a normal day in your life go?

There wouldnt be school. It's a waste of our time anyway. 

30. Look back on this last month and talk about it.

December has sucked. 

November was horrible.

October i cried EVERY NIGHT.

So ya see. I'm not who i use to be. I've grown mama. I'm older daddy. 

I hate you. And, i'm not afraid to hide my feelings.