Shut up.

There's only a few times l curse on this. So. Sorry.
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For fucks sake, shut the hell up. Stop acting like a goddamn saint cuz' your not. Stop telling Joshua what to do. Stop walking around my fucking house and rearranging everything. Do you know how hard my life was with her?? How she'd beat the fuck outta me for no reason? And I was just 8 years old. But you of all goddamn people telling me what I can and can't eat. When I need to clean my room. Hiding thing from my dad. Who is much of a freaking help either. He saw them. Oh what the hell am I kidding. EVERYONE. SAW. THEM. even my whore of a mother. Did they do anything ? No. Did and DO they have a chance at saving me ? Not any fucking more. This new year. Is MINE.
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Note to all:
After 12:00 on December 31st, You're all fucking dead to me. And I know exactly who I'm staring with. Karma's a bitch.
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Brenda.
You're amazing. I know you care. You didnt have to tell me all those thing but you did. You said it yourself. You trust me. I'm such a dork for crying while I tell you this but the world needs to know. I need to know. That there is someone in the world. Who goes through so much shit. But still walks around happy. Or at least, you pretend you do. You gave me a reason to live once. Not because you were coming over, but because that day was going to be my last. I had it planned Brenda. And, this morning. You made me realize someone out there in this really frightening and confusing world loves me. And trusts me. And I'm sorry, but I don't trust you. Hell, I dont trust my own dad. We could blame this on my mom but we all know it's my fault. Brenda, I'm getting really skinny again. I'm always tired. My minds always off in Foreverland. It's an escape you know. The drinking. I need it just as much as I need someone whose here for me. And will always stay no matter how much I push you away.

Thank you Brenda, for everything. Thanks for not judging me like I did because I know I'm a selfless bitch. But im not the only one. I can name people who are "friends" who could give less of a shit about me even though they act like they do. At least you ACT honest.

You're beautiful, and I'd love to be you instead of this messed up crazy little girl on her way into a circle of drinking and suicide.

Merry Christmas And Happy New Year Brenda. Tell me what it's like to have a family. Even if it's Just Make believe.